I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
