So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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