i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
