There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
