So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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