So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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