Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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