I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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