dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
