Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
God I need to hump something, right now.
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