Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
