yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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