The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We need to get me chipped asap
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
