What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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