Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
