i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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