So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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