Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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