Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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