i need an iv and a liver transplant
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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