So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
where are my eyebrows?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
