Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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