i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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