you traded sex for a burrito?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
