the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize