guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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