if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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