I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
