She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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