Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
