I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
