are you still at the devil's house?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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