i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
