even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I got her a Nickelback box set.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
