Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
