the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
