i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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