you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
