If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
