when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
