i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
