Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
