when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
