k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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