i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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