I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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