So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
