But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
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At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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