Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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