Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
