the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
