I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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