I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
