Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Even the bartender felt bad for me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
