hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
