dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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