woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
