I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
