So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
