Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
