Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
me + whiskey = a bad person
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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