Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
50% drunk capacity currently
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
