haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
