I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
