Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
