A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
