two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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