the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
