what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
