i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have post one night stand depression
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