This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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