i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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