you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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