just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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