Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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