Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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