I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They took my balls.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
